Stress!!!
I am really tired today. I was up half the night with braxton hicks. (false labour for those who don't know). It was rather painful, but I kinda knew it wasn't the real thing, cause it was lasting too long without breaks, and it was more of a constant dull pain. I am pretty sure this baby dropped which means I am not carrying her as high as before, and I am having to get used to the feeling of carrying lower now.
With going into labour any time now, and Pure 48 coming up, I am a bit stressed you could say. I am looking forward to the company, and I know that my friends who are coming are really helpful, so I'm not worried about entertaining. I am just thinking that leading four 2 hour sets in a space of 48 hours, where I am the only instrument, is a bit much for me at this point. (Especially since I am not sleeping well these days) I am almost hoping this baby comes before the weekend so I don't have to do it.
And that leads me to another issue I am dealing with. I have been wanting to run from anything to do with ministry for a while, and things are coming to the surface in me in a huge way. I know that I have separated "ministry" from my relationship with God. I don't know how else to explain it other than that I struggle with trusting that God has enough for me in order to do everything he's asked me to do.
With baby on the way, I am feeling overwhelmed with responsibility and just wanting to run.... but God is not letting me. I obviously can't run from the inevitable fact that I will be a mother soon. But ministry stuff, you'd think would be a little easier to avoid. Well... it was not my "turn" to lead worship on Sunday, but as I sat in pre-service prayer, God was speaking to me about being more than enough for me, and that I was to lead in worship that morning. I had to tell the worship leader myself, God was not going to tell him for me. He made that clear. So I did, I went up to Dave and told him that I was supposed to lead and then I confessed that I really didn't want to, but I knew God is asking me to. And then proceeded to get quite emotional about the whole thing.
So I did it. I have no opinion on how it went, I just decided to be obedient and meditate on the fact that God is more than enough for me, and I did it. And I have to say that it was really hard, and I still am wanting to run 3 days later. I guess this is going to be a process that will be remembered for sure. No quick fix here, just learning to trust God with every aspect of life. No way out either, can't even suck it up anymore, cause I got nothin' left in me.
About 2 years ago, God spoke to me on the C-train in Calgary. He said that he was going to bring me to a healthy nothingness. Well, I am definately still on that road. And boy can I fight the process. Why am so stubborn? It really all comes down to TRUST. What a difficult thing for me to learn to do!
Anyways, that was a whole lot of info, and I'm sorry if it was too revealing, actually, no I'm not. I really should be this real more often. I'm going to try to get a nap in before company comes this evening.
Random Blogging
I feel like I'm gonna pop! Only 3 weeks to the due date. I'm almost hoping it's a bit earlier. I really can't wait to see her, and I am really looking forward to having my body back at this point. It's rather uncomfortable no matter what I'm doing.
Devon went out today to help with a move. He absolutely enjoys moving people! Ha! I'm sure you felt the sarcasm in that. I think it's his lot in life to help people move, I can't count how many he's done since we moved to Taber, never mind how many he did before. I mean Mom and Dad Rundvall alone have moved more than Devon can count. It's good for the boy.
This is gonna be a really random blog because I can't put two thoughts together.
Anyways "Pure 48" is coming up. It's 48 hours of worship and prayer, not with any agenda other than blessing God. It's starts March 3 and goes to the 5th, that's if your reading this and think you may want to come to Taber and check it out. Unfortunately you cannot stay at our house. It is really full that weekend. We will have our friend Kayle here, and 2 of my friends for sure (Steph and Rayanne, maybe Cherie), and then a few YWAMers from Eagles nest. Actually 18 of them are coming, and it looks like we'll be hosting whoever we can't billet out elsewhere. So who knows, could be 10?? (Not really looking forward to the bathroom situation in the mornings). However, our heart is that this be an open house for whoever God desires to bring our way. A place people can come and rest and experience God here in Taber. Hopefully our house is a place of peace and refreshing.
Well, I have no more thoughts at the moment, except about getting things done for when baby comes. I've got some of her clothes in the laundry and I should get to them. I think I'm also gonna pack my hospital bag today. Just to be ready.
Tootles.
What a day!
Okay, so I'm not sure how to say this, but Devon and I had quite the day today. We went into Lethbridge to my doctor's appointment at 1:30, and the doc wasn't there (I think he was delivering a baby), so we went to our next appointment which was to get our car repairs done at 2:00. We got there and they were so swamped and almost sent us away, until we told them that our insurance company only gave us a week to get these things done so our car could be deemed road worthy. They fit us in. Nothing big, just new tires and brakes. So they got started on our car an hour later than scheduled, and we finally got out of there at 4:30pm.
The roads were interesting to say the least. There was blowing snow and it was pretty slippery. Devon, feeling all confident in the fact that we just got new front tires, decided to go the speed limit. I
really do not enjoy driving in bad weather, but I tried to suck it up and stay as calm as possible... until we began to drift and then lose control of the car! I said a choice word, and then began to pray as we spun around and around on the highway and headed right for the meridian ditch. I prayed, "Thank you Jesus that we are NOT going to go into the other lane with the oncoming traffic." And shortly therafter the car stopped and Devon drove us out. It was all I could do to keep calm. I really did not want to go into labour at this point, so I practised some calming techniques that I learned in pre-natal classes (yay for huff and puff!).
So that was my afternoon. Still trying to remain calm.
We just recently looked after 2 boys whose mother had her baby on Tuesday night, IN HER CAR! She made it to the emergency entrance, pushed twice and the baby was out. Now that is quick and easy. Although this was her 12th child I should point out. I think they just fall out after 10. She had a beautiful baby boy that she named Alan. I got to hold him this morning and it made me very excited to see our little girl. She could come any time now.
Well, in conclusion I just need to say, "Thank you Jesus for keeping us safe on the treacherous highway."
And now, I'm going to curl up in a warm blanket with my wheat bag around my neck and relax.
Stuff and Things
So I hear it's freaking cold out. I wouldn't know yet because I haven't gone outside to see if it's true. But alas today I must be brave and step out of the house. However, I do have a car now, so it won't be all that entirely bad! That makes me smile.
People are saying that they liked the weather better when Devon and Kristi didn't have a car. I'd like to think that God waited to drop the temperature until the precise moment when he gave us the car. But I think that would be blasphemous because I realize that the world does not revolve around me. Apparently it revolves around Devon or so he says.
Last night we played a riveting game of "Settlers". Normally we'd play until 13 points, but last night was a game to 15. You have to understand that this game can bring out the evil in anybody. Especially if you are competitive. (like me) It has gotten nasty on a few occasions. Like once I actually threw the dice at Devon's face. Not one of my better moments. And to brag about the fact that I won last night's game would be too much so I won't.
Anyways, I need to get ready for the day, apparently get dressed for coldness, and then go babysit. I need the practice.
Ens Meat
Ha! So my friend Rayanne was visiting this last weekend, and we were talking one night. And the phrase "making ends meet" came out of her mouth. I've heard that phrase more than I can count, and probably ever since I was a wee little girl, however I never really got it. I knew what people meant when they said it, but I actually thought they were saying "making ens meat". But when Rayanne said it that night I heard it differently I guess, and this light bulb went on in my head. I finally fully understood the phrase. I know it's sad, but I am blond and I have these moments from time to time.
It makes me wonder how many other things I hear in my own little twisted way that get distorted from what is actually being meant. Or how I read the Bible with my twisted paradigm. Or listen to preaching, or just plain look at life. Hmmm.. it makes me wonder. And how much of it is the way God intended for me to see it, and how much is tainted by our culture and the world?
Anyways, I didn't think I'd get all analytical about my funny blond moment, but I guess God can use whatever he wants to teach a lesson.
Promises Fulfilled
I can't believe I haven't blogged about this yet. This is so cool. At the beginning of this year I really felt like this was going to be a year of promises fulfilled for us. And so far God has done so much to prove that to me.
On Feb. 10th we were given a car! Yes that's right, God gave us the car he promised. I think it was in November that he said to me, "Kristi, a car is just around the corner." God can often speak in riddles to me, but my first thought was that the corner was the new year. And it was!
His timing is so perfect. I am going to be delivering our baby in Lethbridge and so all of my doctor's appointments are now there, and I can actually get to them without having to borrow someone's car every week. That makes me very happy.
God has been so faithful to us. This faith walk that we are on is not an easy one at times, and it still isn't. I mean, God never said he'd make it easy for us, he is just very interested in teaching us to TRUST. That is what I am learning, sometimes totally flunking, but just getting back up again and again. There is a difference between sucking it up for a while until you just can't anymore, and really trusting him. Sucking it up is done entirely on my own strength, whereas trusting God is really leaning on his breast and actually resting in the fact that he's got it all covered.
I had a cool revelation the other day that there is absolutely no limit to God's resources. If he wants it done, he'll get it done. Even if it's the most impossible looking thing. Actually I think especially if it is, cause then he gets the glory.
Well, God gets all the glory here, and will continue to. It is not possible that Devon and I would own a car, but we have one sitting in our driveway at this moment. It is not possible that we can maintain and even run this vehicle, but with my God all things are possible, and I know we will continue to see his faithfulness in our lives. He's got it covered, and I just need to rest on his lap and watch and see what he does.
"Seek first the kingdom of God and all these things shall be added unto you." - Jesus
I'll try to post a picture of our God car soon! It's a '92 Saturn SL2.
This is weird!
I can't sleep! It's 1:30 in the morning and I am awake and raring to go. Well maybe not raring, but I am not about to doze off in the next few minutes.
I think I'm excited for tomorrow. Devon got me a massage and foot treatment for my birthday and Valentine's day. I haven't been that pampered since our honeymoon in Vegas. This will be so awesome. If I could just fall asleep tomorrow would come faster. Maybe I should try counting sheep, or just baby kicks.
This little girl can move! I think that's another reason I can't fall asleep. She always moves when I'm sitting or lying down. My walking around probably rocks her to sleep and then when I'm not moving she goes buck nuts.
Speaking of nuts, I am getting more and more hungry as of late. I kinda peaked on the eating for a while, but now, I have to eat smaller meals more often cause my stomach is pretty squished up. The last few nights, I've had to eat right before bed cause my stomach growls so loud it keeps not just me up, but Devon and the baby too.
Well now I'm just babbling, so I think I'll stop. Maybe tomorrow I'll post something fresh and stimulating after being quite rejuvinated by the anticipated pampering.
So I've been listening to this speaker from Vancouver. Her name is Joyce Heron, and she is challenging me on how I view the lost and the poor of this world. So if you don't want to be convicted
do not listen to this, but if you enjoy getting your mindsets rocked and transformed into the image of Jesus, then I recommend this message to you. Here's the link:
http://portal.vineyard.ca/index.cfm?i=10011&mid=12&id=200002505I hope it works for you, just copy and paste this link to the address bar on your internet thingy. (not sure what the thing is called.) Or try just clicking on the link and it may just take you there. I've never done this before so I don't know what you need to do. Good luck!
Last night Devon and I went to the Lethbridge hospital for a tour of the Labour and Delivery ward and the Post Pardom ward. It was really exciting and scary all at once, knowing that the next time we were going to be there, our baby girl would be born. I am super excited to meet this baby girl, but when we got into one of the delivery rooms, we could here a woman in labour in another room. We heard this blood curdling scream and then a few seconds later, a baby was crying. It was so scary and wonderful all at the same time.
I am wanting this birth to be as natural as possible. If I can do this without an epidural that would be great. I don't think that I would like to lose all feeling from my ribs down. I know this is going to be painful, but if women have been doing this since the beginning of time, I can do this too. Devon will be there with me the whole time, and I know he will be a great coach. He always is in everyday life in general, so I'm not worried there.
There really isn't all that much more news here. The dishwasher is phenomenal, and we are very blessed to have that, things are going well, and I'm excited for my friend Rayanne coming for a visit. She's a Bible School friend of mine, and we have not seen enough of eachother in the last few years, so this will be great. Friends are such a gift, and I love that my friends, no matter how long it's been since we saw eachother last, we always pick up just where we left off. Friends make me smile.
I think I'm done now.
Much rejoicing, for me at least...
So I sent Devon on a mission. He is now galavanting around Taber to pick up a DISHWASHER!!
I am thrilled about this as you can tell, however Dev is a little perturbed because he literally has to stop in five places to get this thing home. And on this trip he will be using 2 different vehicles, neither of which will end up back at our house, so he will be dizzy by the time he gets back. However, it will be so worth all of his effort! I have been wanting a dishwasher for months, and I have to say that God is so good to me. I was expecting an old, half-size one that someone discarded at the Rock the other day, and he is giving us one that is fairly new and full size to use for as long as we live in Taber. Much rejoicing in the Rundvall residence today!
I get a DISHWASHER!!!!
Oops, Dev just got home, and he informed me that the guy who has the key to the other van isn't home, so he came home, and told me that he now has to figure out another way to get the key, and he is currently letting out some steam while he paces the hallway of our house. (It sounds like a fog horn). Anyways I think he just figured it out, cause he left. What an amazing man I have. He goes to such great lengths to please his woman. I shall make him some waffles. He loves waffles.
What I was made for...
I'm coming into a revelation lately. I've been asking God to show me what it is that I was made for. What exactly is the Dream that you've put inside me from even before I was born? You'd think I'd have this figured out by now. I'm 27 and I've known Jesus for 9 years, and yet I've not yet really discovered what my purpose is. You know, what it is that gets me out of bed in the morning, and keeps me loving life? Well, I finally picked up a book called "The Dream Giver". It's by an author I normally wouldn't read, however, this book is challenging me, and making me realize that I did know my dream all along. When I ponder the questions that were asked in the book, I realized that my dream was and still is that I was made for intimacy. And as I sit here and write, I remember those very words being spoken to me by the God of the universe. He once told me that very thing.Funny how we can lose touch with the very purpose we were created for, in quest of being "somebody". Funny how the dream that is ours seems like it's not that important when compared to others. Wretchedly ugly it is that in quest of being "someone important", we can lose touch with our First Love, and get into doing and doing and doing, until all that doing makes you feel so unfulfilled and lost. This is what I am coming out of so that I can see the reason I was created again. This is so freeing! I love having revelation as I write.I only wish I wouldn't have wasted my time trying to be someone I am not created to be. There have been moments of pure delight in who I was, and I want that again. I want to be so close to Jesus. So close there aren't words for it! In HIM. That is what I seek, that is who I am.
